


Overheated

by SelenaTerna



Series: Random Doctor Who Ficlets [14]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Christmas fic outtakes, Christmas in Sydney aka Blazing Hot Christmas, Established Relationship, F/M, Humour, Jack being Jack, Romance, non-explicit references to nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21985465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: Team TARDIS end up on a beach in Australia on Christmas Day. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Series: Random Doctor Who Ficlets [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/669356
Comments: 26
Kudos: 54





	Overheated

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people! Merry Christmas! I hope you've had a lovely time as we wend our weary way to the end of the year. This silly ficlet just happened as an outtake of sorts to the fic I was writing, and I was going to delete it but was convinced to post it in the end for a laugh. It's nothing much and very silly- I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

“Damn, it’s hot!” Jack panted. “Where the hell are we?”

“Earth, obviously,” the Doctor muttered, seemingly unfazed by the searing heat as he scanned their surroundings with the sonic.

“What do you mean, obviously? How was I supposed to know? It could’ve been anywhere!” The former Time Agent turned to Rose. “You see that, right? It's easily as hot as the Hilotan desert _and_ the dusty plains of Worpalia.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Except we're in suburbia, on a beach, and there’s no beach in the dusty plains of _anywhere_.” She turned to the Doctor. “When are we, though? It’s bloody hot and I don’t want to be arrested for gross public indecency just because I’m wearin’ a sundress and we’re in the Second Victorian Period or something.”

“It’s not too far off your time- Christmas Day, two thousand and nineteen,” the Doctor muttered, still scanning.

Jack’s draw dropped. “Christmas _Day_?”

“Yes.”

“You’re _sure?”_

 _“Yes.”_ The Doctor scowled as he continued to scan.

“December twenty-fifth?”

The Doctor growled and looked up from the sonic screwdriver. “That is when Christmas tends to be celebrated on this planet, Harkness. With a few exceptions.”

“But…but…”

“But _what?”_ The Doctor demanded.

“But it’s _hot_!”

“So?”

“So where’s the snow? The chestnuts, the….” He frowned and turned to Rose. “What was the other one? Peach pudding?”

“Plum pudding.”

“Right, the plum pudding! And mince pies and Christmas trees and….and turkey! There needs to be turkey.”

Rose pointed at the nearby trees. “Pine trees over there.”

“Yes but….”

“And if you want turkeys, that lot lying in the sun should do the trick,” the Doctor interjected.

“Doctor!” Rose admonished. “That’s rude, they’re just sun-bathing!”

“Exactly!” The Doctor protested. “Have to be daft as a turkey to sunbathe here with the hole in the ozone. Too many UV rays. Bad for your health, that.”

“Hole in the….where _are_ we?” Jack demanded.

The Doctor sighed. “Australia, obviously. Where else?”

“Well, it could’ve been New Zealand,” Rose pointed out.

Jack blinked. “Australia.”

“Yes.” The Doctor grumbled. “Catch me bringing you again.”

“And it’s Christmas.”

 _“Yes.”_ He narrowed his eyes. “You been dipping into the Hypervodka again?”

“No, no. Not after that last hangover.” Jack shuddered.

“Well, what then?”

“Well, it’s just…Christmas in Australia.”

“What of it?” The Doctor demanded impatiently. “You were the one who wanted to put the TARDIS on ‘random select’.”

“Yeah, sure, of course. It’s only…well. This was a daydream of mine, back at the Time Agent Academy.”

Rose blinked, suddenly getting a very bad feeling. “Do I want to know why?”

“No, no, no reason.” Jack grinned suddenly, eyes glinting. “I just need to get ready.”

And with that, he scampered off into the TARDIS.

Rose turned to the Doctor. “Should we be worried?”

The Time Lord fixed her with a disbelieving look. “It’s Harkness. When are we _not_ worried?”

Rose swallowed nervously. 

************************************

_Ten minutes later_

“I can't believe you've pulled this stunt again! How many times have I told you, Harkness, to keep your clothes _on!_ You're lucky you weren't arrested!”

“Well, how was I supposed to know it’s not a nude beach?” Jack said defensively, rubbing the ear the Doctor had dragged him by with one hand and clutching a towel around his waist with the other.

“Because everybody else is wearing swimmers and you’re the only naked one on it!” The Doctor snapped, leather jacket creaking as he folded his arms.

“Oh come on, Doctor, look at her!” Jack pointed at a bikini-clad young woman nearby. “She’s almost naked!”

“Hey!” Rose interjected, folding her arms across her own bikini-clad chest. “Watch it. There’s a big difference between a bikini and having your bits flapping in the breeze!”

“But they’re nice bits!” Jack protested.

The Doctor inhaled. “Harkness.”

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me they didn’t enjoy it! It’s like a present for everyone!”

Rose groaned. “For cryin’ out loud, Jack, do you want to get arrested? _Again?”_

“Well, it is!” He preened. “I’m a magnificent specimen, if I do say so myself.”

 _“Harkness.”_ The Doctor’s growl said he’d reached breaking point. “What did I say the last time this happened?”

The former Time Agent swallowed, finally realising he was on thin ice. “You said a lot of things.”

The Doctor fixed him with a glare.

Jack sighed. “No propositioning innocent bystanders. No prancing or shaking of the buttocks in anyone’s face. And no nudity, except on explicitly marked nude beaches in appropriate time periods.”

“Right.” The Doctor fixed him with a look. “So?”

 _“Fine.”_ Jack muttered, turning to go back inside the TARDIS, and dropped the towel around his waist, exposing the 'G'day' and "Mate' he had scrawled across each buttock. “I’ll go and get my suit.”

“Not the white one!” The Doctor shouted after him. “No see-through and no velcro! And miniature Santa-hats covering your bits do not a swimsuit make!”

 _“Fine!”_ Came the petulant reply from down the corridor. “Be like that. It’ll take me _ages_ to find something that fits your puritanical dictates!”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and turned to Rose. “Why did we bring him again?”

Rose shrugged. “Because his favourite pleasure planet was closed and he begged to come with us.”

“Still,” the Doctor grumbled. “He’s badly trained, as pets go.”

“Doctor!”

“Just sayin,” he muttered, shifting in his jacket.

Rose shook her head. “I will never understand how you can wear that jacket in this heat. It’s mental.”

The Doctor shrugged. “Self-regulating body temperature. Weather doesn’t heat me up the same way as it would a human.”

“Right, course.” Rose rolled her eyes and unwound her sarong. “Still mental. You comin' in for a dip then?”

The Doctor’s eyes suddenly burned blue fire.

“No.”

“Right, if you’re goin’ to sit out, could you mind this and keep my towel?”

“No.”

“No?” She blinked. “What d’you mean, _no_?”

“No, I’m not sitting on the beach watching you cavort in the water.” He smiled slowly then, his gaze scorching her more than the sun ever could. “Suddenly feelin’ a bit _overheated_ , me.”

“Oh?” Rose swallowed at the look in his eyes. “Thought you didn’t get hot.”

“Oh, I didn’t say that,” he said, prowling closer. “I said I didn’t get hot from the _weather._ It takes a lot more than that to make me hot.”

“That so?” She smirked. “Maybe you need a lie-down, then.”

“Maybe I do.” He pulled her close. “Harkness will be a while, so we've got some time to ourselves. Don’t suppose you’d consider delaying your dip and…tending …to an old Time Lord?"

“S’pose I could,” she smiled, tongue touching her teeth.“If you _need_ me, that is.”

His gaze smouldered. “Always.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He was so close now, so very, very close.

“Then I guess we’re having a nap,” she breathed, lips _almost_ touching his.

“Fantastic,” he growled before crushing her lips.

And it was.

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come follow me on Tumblr at countessselena.tumblr.com


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